ARIELLA PAPA: writer, mother, friend

Holiday Rants and Joys–Christmas Carols

So I would listen to Christmas music from the second I push away my third plate of turkey on Thanksgiving to January 2.   By then I am usually done.  There are some carols that burn my nanny and others that put me in the mood for cocoa and twinkling lights.

Baby, It’s Cold Outside:  Every time I hear this song I want to tell the male singer that no means no. There’s something really creepy and desperate about this guy.  Especially when the guy is Rod Stewart because I love Dolly and I know she really wants her fancy warm tour bus to get her the heck out.  I would be checking the medicine cabinet for Rufinol.  Please remind your daughters that it is NEVER too “cold outside” to go home

But if you want a classic and old school song try.  ‘Zat you Santa Claus by Louis Armstrong. ‘Zat awesome? Why yes, ‘zat is.

I really can’t stand the Mama met Jesus song: I don’t even want to know the title. Some guy goes to a store for shoes and meets a kid whose mother is about to DIE.  Really?  This you want to play during Christmas time?  I know people die 365 days a year.  This is an awful fact.  But I don’t think preying on our emotions when I want to know that Santa is coming to town as long as I am nice is fair.  This song makes me say words that are naughty and I don’t want to jeopardize anything with St. Nick.  No more worst carol ever.

Instead how about Feliz Navidad? I know, I know. It’s predictable, but predictable is good.  At least we can be confident no one’s mother is going to die at the end. Try singing this with your family this Christmas and I guarantee everyone from the toddlers to the senile will get into it and all the family drama will be forgotten (for a little while).

And please stop with Dan Fogelberg’s Same Old Lang Syne. You totally know this song. You just don’t know the title.  It’s NOT the New Year’s classic.  It’s about the guy who meets his old girlfriend in a parking lot and they get a six pack and talk about how miserable they are.  There’s a sax the snow turns into rain.  You remember now?  Yeah.  I guess I used to be this person who thought I would feel slightly melancholy about lost love, but you know what?  I’m not.  I got out of my 20s.  I’m lucky. Life is good.  So give me Mariah singing “All I want for Christmas is You” (especially this version) one more time and skip this or I’m changing the channel to the alt-rock station.

If you must reminisce or you yearn for slightly melancholy try 2000 Miles by the Pretenders and  River by Joni Mitchell  These songs I could listen to all year long. They are just that good.

Here’s what else I want more of on my Christmas radio station.

Good King Wenceslas and We Three Kings: I love these songs and they don’t get no love.  Are they too religious for pop channels? Next year I am launching a campaign to bring them back to the people.

Dominic the Donkey: I’m not sure if this song is supposed to be offensive to Italians but I love it. Boun Natale

And finally Must Be Santa When someone comes out with a new carol, it’s exciting.  When it’s Bob Dylan, it’s interesting.  When it’s this song, that’s incredible. My kids could watch the video on youtube 24/7.  Check it out. Someday I want to have a party like that. Maybe this New Year’s Eve to celebrate the end of all my off-key singing.

What are you listening to or not listening to this season?

2 Responses to Holiday Rants and Joys–Christmas Carols

  1. Christy says:

    Ha ha ha ha ha! I agree with you 100% about all of these songs. I love Zat you Santa, love Dominic, love Mariah’s All I want for Christmas is You (mostly because of Love Actually), wish I could hear more We Three Kings – Silent NIght too – I never hear it!! All of those other songs annoy me too! Funny post.

  2. Karen says:

    Hmm, I think I’m listening to that same station. . . I must be getting old as that easy listening is really easy to listen to. My favorite is Feliz Navidad. C likes anything by the Beach Boys. . . We tried to listen to our Motown Christmas Cassette (yes, a tape) but it was kind of warped. We couldn’t stop laughing at the way it was playing. I have to say, I think it works–it’s gotten me into the xmas spirit! Well, about 2 weeks too late! xo

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